


Five Times Coulson Didn’t Get What He Wanted (And Once He Did)

by jenna_thorn



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenna_thorn/pseuds/jenna_thorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title speaks as a summary, I think.  Five scenes in the life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Coulson Didn’t Get What He Wanted (And Once He Did)

1\. Phil curled in front of the glow of the television, sitting far enough away from the screen to avoid his grandmother’s derision. The starship captain rolled across the rocky ground, ripping his shirt , which would surely get him in trouble with … with whoever had to mend starship captain’s shirts, Phil supposed. He himself now had official school clothes and after school clothes and a rip, any rip, was the line between the two, but Kirk’s shirts were always smooth, unpatched or darned, even when he was walking around the Enterprise. Perhaps he had only school clothes.

Spock strode across the rocky ground, standing over Kirk, impossibly tall. Tall was important, too. Captain America was tall, but if he ever stepped out of the comic books, he had his sweetheart and Phil had watched his mother hold a photograph of a father he barely knew. Cap had Miss Carter, and Phil wouldn’t step between the two, not even in his own dreams. But Spock would do. Kirk was tempestuous, McCoy was angry, and very probably alcoholic, and Phil already knew about that as Chicago winters were long and walls were thin, but Phil was smarter than the crew of the Enterprise and he could see, as none of them did, that Spock was more human than he pretended to be. He’d do nicely as a father, yes. 

Phil tried pulling up just one eyebrow as Kirk laughed and Spock nodded in return.

When his mother died, he thought again of Spock, and he held his hands behind his back, observing without emotion. 

\--::--

2\. “I am Iron Man.”

Pepper gaped and Phil sighed.

\--::--

3\. Strike Team Delta was whispered within the halls of SHIELD and outside those halls alternately screamed or growled. Hawkeye could hit anything Romanov uncovered and they’d not yet come up against a target she couldn’t uncover. The three of them were lethal and adding a fourth, adding Rogers to the team, would make them unstoppable. With Stark on call for contingencies, the four of them would be silent, wholly invisible to the public and absolutely efficient. From Phil’s study of contemporary accounts, he believed Rogers would prefer being part of a private strike team, out of the glare and away from politicians and press releases.

Phil put one hand to the observation glass. He could convince Fury to let Dr. Banner have his privacy, to keep Stark at arm’s length, and to let him have Rogers for Delta. 

\--::--

4\. He stood in her kitchen with a dishtowel in his hands. “A long distance relationship. .. ”

“Phil, we’ve been _in_ a long distance relationship. No. That’s not a complaint; it’s a statement of fact. You love your work. I love mine.” She put one hand to his face, cupping his jaw. “I love _you_ , but not..

“Enough.” That was unfair, and he knew it even as the word passed his lips.

“...As much as I love what I do. This is … I can’t turn down this opportunity.” She lifted one hand to his jaw.

“I know. I agree, even.” He leaned into her touch. “I can visit. I travel a lot. As you know.” She wrinkled her nose as he made a joke of what had been a source of conflict. One of a very few, relatively speaking. 

“And if I’m single, we can go to dinner.” He raised one eyebrow and she grinned. “Go to bed. And if I’m not, then ---“

“I’ll be happy to meet whoever you’re dating. As an old friend, not the creepy ex-. I promise.”

\--::--

5\. He could feel his own pulse like sluggish cold mud, even as he shook at the electricity racing across his skull and arcing down his spine. He was dead, he knew he was dead, he remembered Loki and his scepter, the recoil of the BFG, Nick crouching in front of him. The white light before him turned orange, baleful hellfire and scorching damnation, dragging him back to blinding operating theater lights, and a man he thought he recognized in scrubs and a mask. “Please,” he whispered again, but they couldn’t hear him, because they didn’t stop. Surely his oldest friend would make them stop if he heard.

\--::--

+1 May snorted as he pulled the cockpit door shut behind him, leaving her to her half-lit world of LEDs and endless miles of empty sky. He walked past the cool emergency lights to the warmer yellow illumination of the plane’s main seating area. 

He didn’t bother hiding his eyes as he scanned the room. Ward nodded in greeting, the emergency exits were clear, the dishes had been washed and the upper cabinet was unlatched. FitzSimmons curled up in one corner, sharing earbuds and a laptop and the very air, as always. Skye had her tablet on her lap and her toes tucked under Ward’s thighs, but his expression showed he was tolerating the boundary-pushing, rather than welcoming it. Phil thought of Natasha, the way she’d tested him similarly and the twist in his chest that pulled every time he thought of her, of Barton, of Rogers and the secret-keeping that he’d agreed to.

He crossed the room to push the cabinet door closed properly, listening for the click of the lock. He stood for a moment, staring at the spot where Fitz had wanted to put the damn fishtank, aware of the eyes on him, equally aware that when he turned, they’d all be elsewhere.

“Saved a slice for you, AC,” Skye said, and he nodded as he took the two steps toward his team, to join them, and to reach for the remains of the pizza.

**Author's Note:**

> You can't always get what you want  
> But in the end sometimes  
> You just might find  
> That you get what you need
> 
> -Rolling Stones


End file.
